Just A Girl..Just a Woman

-
They say, that turning 30 is a turning point in one's life. I say, THEY are correct. Dead on. Nailed it. I don't know if it's the dreaded 3 next to the Zero that stares back at you when you wake up on that day of birth, and look at yourself in the mirror, and all of a sudden have these flashbacks of memories that feel like days, that were YEARS ago. I don't know if it's the realization that you now have to accept that your 20's cannot be used as an exscuse as to why you randomly F up, or it's the fact that it's just a fact, that you are now in the 30 club.

But something happened when I woke up that day, in Hawaii (not a bad place to take on the 3-0).  I promise I felt different, I felt almost at ease with myself, content in a way, everything felt okay. I then went on this beautiful hike with one my dearest friends, and there was just a sense of clarity and genuine happiness, it was in itself blissful. NOW getting to this day, let me tell you, the past year was anything but. I failed, failed even worst, lost, lost more, dissapointed, lost myself, but then I came back. I accomplished, triumphed, regained trust, and understood who I am, who I am trying to be and what I want to acheive.

This post is something that scares the shit out of me, because one thing that I have learned is that I am not the easiest to get to know on an intimiate level, unless I have known you for years, have gained/earned your and my trust, and being vulnerable, open, is not one of my strong suits. Below are 30 intimate, things about me that honeslty not many know, and honestly should know.

So this post, is not for you to dissect every flaw, or for me to sing my praises, it's a post that resembles change, openness and the realization I may not be the person who I was yesterday, but I always will be me, I will have my quirks, I will have my downfalls, joys, and good and bad days, but I will always be me.

1.     When I feel the most  vulnerable or homesick I come home, put on whatever pjs my mom bought me most recently, and for some reason I feel completely content and just better.
2.     I’ve truly not opened up to someone on an emotional/relationship level since my immature/inexperienced relationship in highschool/college, and every relationship I’ve had since then..was not one in that they truly knew who I was.
3.     I would and will always drop and do anything for my family.
4.     I love to read, I love where it takes me, and I would love to publish a children’s book/s.
5.     I stand strong behind the fact that I have been cursed with the worst hangovers.EVER.
6.     I feel my immune system may be nonexistent (which I blame on my spring break trip to Panama..one word..mono)
7.     ^^The above was the one and only time I’ve stayed over night in a hospital (besides like my birth)
8.     I’ve met some of the best dudes by friend-zoning.
9.     I dye my own hair in the winter only (jet black usually) and summer find it completely okay to spend that $300 to look like a bronzed-copper J.Aniston.
10.  I am the most indecisive person I know, honestly my brain goes back and forth on decisions on a consistent basis
11.  I find broadway to be the most romantic display of affection, I love the stories, the music, I probably have shed a tear at every show I’ve seen.
12.  I’d rather have a hand written note, creative gesture then flowers any.day.
13.  I am proud of what I have achieved, who I have become, the fuckups and accomplishments that have gotten me to where I am, because I did it for.me.
14.  I am the worst at accepting/asking for help..unless youre my mom (sorry cashton)
15.  I have grown up with the strongest women and am who I am because of them
16.  I dance, drink, and look just like my father
17.  I smoke when I drink (resolving to stop-sry gma ross)
18.  I probably mispronounce half of the words in the songs that I sing along to (BESIDES baby got back..like I kill that)
19.  My favorite day of the year, is Christmas Eve, when I go to church. We have this tradition where you light candles, and sing Silent Night, and it just brings the best feeling, of home, my childhood, my family, its everything.
20.  I wouldn’t change my childhood for a second, I wouldn’t change the fact that I grew up with mostly boys, I have a tough skin, because I earned it.
21.  I am the worst nail painter, seriously, the worst.
22.  AppleJacks (the cereal) reminds me of my grandma Ross/Uncle Billy,
23.  I used to Play Old maid, put cerran wrap and go down a silver slide that would give me rugburnish burns, and I was and still am bad A at skipping and painting rocks.
24.  I could eat my grandmas stuffed shells and garlic bread, legit, everyday.
25.  I’m 100% content with being alone, and that in itself scares the shit out of me
26.  I need and will continue to see the world
27.  I struggle between being an adult, being a wild child, being put together, being a bum, doing the right thing or being in the moment.
28.  I swear like a sailor
29.  I talk like crazy in my sleep

30.  I am Abby Carol Ashton

Tell them you love them.
Xo
Abby. C. Ashton

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shades of Grey

-
My prior blog post was dedicated to loss, and heartbreak. It was clear in my words, and the egg shells I walked on when writing that in the moment I thought I was standing my ground, recognizing the pain, and was strong enough to believe, I could walk away. What I want to be honest about, was I wasn't. Those words came from a girl, who was in love, deeply. They were words of hope in a sense, with a lingering sadness. They expressed mildly the nature of my current state, but, they weren't honest.  Pretending to be someone I'm not, because fear of rejection has been a consistent struggle in my life. Strength in moments of weakness, that I portrayed, was not the strength I so eagerly wanted to have. So, I wrote, I used words, to deliver what I could, masked by underlying weakness.  Within the last year, I have experienced true rejection, betrayal, defeat, on multiple levels. I had lost faith in myself and thought that I deserved the way I was being treated, both personally and...
Read more

Bold, Brave, Beautiful & Body Shamed

-
Image
 I want to start this blog out by saying, this is in no way a blog to shed blame, stir tension, or ask for sympathy in any manner. I am writing this blog in a space of empathy, and a place that I hope someone reading can relate, and in that relation, grow to handle ridiculously hard situations from a new perspective. My hope when sharing is always with the intent to shed light on the reality of situations, but also how you can turn something that may of felt hurtful at the time, into something you can take away and learn from and become a stronger person, because as we all know, life will continue to deliver tough situations, but it is how we deal and process that truly matters.  I was fortunate enough to travel home over the holiday to visit one of my good friends, family, as well as my favorite place of birth, EPA. What I was not expecting was to have an interaction with a friend of a friend, which had me being labeled as a Fat Ass, amongst other things that were all directl...
Read more

Silence is the Best Gift You Ever Gave to Me

-
  Sitting here, starring at my screen, figuring out how to portray what I’ve experienced and felt in the past few months, is hard. Its not hard because I can’t explain in words what I’m feeling, its hard because I’m not even sure if this is when I should share, explain, or try to release. What’s different, is that the feeling of numbness is still so present, it almost masks the true intention of the reason why I am writing, but, I have always felt that when I write I find clarity. Clarity is something I’ve been struggling to find, so any attempt that allows a vulnerability to show itself, is a method that I will never turn down. There is no intent of this blog to intensify any sense of ill feelings towards this human, there is no need to establish an understanding to those reading as to what the person meant to me, did to me, or even the brokenness they left me in. That is apparent, and that is brutal enough to process myself, let alone push anymore blame or ill intent into the...
Read more