To THE Ms. Carol Ross

I think I've made it clear, to those few gems that read the writings of Abby C Ashton, that my strength in expressing my gratitude and feelings, come through the pushing of the letters on a keyboard, vs being able to express the same clarity and expressions through my mouth, and for many this is a blessing (you're all welcome) 

But jokes aside, this blog post, is a post that I hold close to my heart, and I hope I am able to do it and her justice.

Before I get into this piece, I just want to recognize the blessings I have been given purely based on the family I was born into. I truly feel, any struggle I have been able to tackle and rise above from, is because and in all honesty only because I have such a strong support system from my family. I am fully aware that this blessing I have, isn't one that everyone is able to express gratitude and genuine love for, and that in itself is something I will never take for granted. 

As mentioned in my beginning statement, there really aren't any perfect words, connected sentences, spaced out paragraphs to do her justice. There isn't a quote I can post, or a simple picture with a description underneath, to convey what she means to me. 

But I am going to try.

Growing up, I remember being happy to just be around you. I didn't care if we were playing Dominos, going to garage sales, making applesauce, whether I was sitting next to you in the pew at church, coming over for family gatherings, going out to lunch or going to second hand stores and finding the best finds. I just knew you could do no wrong in my eyes, and I only wanted to do good in yours. 

I remember the strength you exuberated, the way people looked up to you, the knowing that no one would ever cross you.  The way you carried yourself, in such a poised manner, that I did and still do envy. I remembered I wanted to be just like you, and that still holds true to this day, with even more of an emphasis than it did back then. 

The strength and confidence and the ability to be the glue for everyone around you is admirable, but what sparkled the most, was that under the strength and drive, you were still able to be compassionate, you still showed love, sympathy, and genuine concern for everyone around you, including strangers. 

You taught me that you should be strong, but you also can be loving to others, and even if others aren't always loving to you, you determine your worth, and how you act in this world, and for that simple lesson Grandma, I will never be able to repay you. 

One thing I think a lot of people take for granted growing up are the lessons they are able to learn from those who genuinely love them. 

I can't think of a situation I've been in that I needed to pull inner strength from the deepest of the deeps, that I handled correctly that didn't stem from something I learned from you. The value that you've continuously brought to my life, and everyone around you, again goes beyond gratitude and words. 

The most humbling part is that I had this admiration for you at a young age, but as our relationship grew and matured, I began to understand the struggles you've been through.  You let me in to  understand who you were as a person, and I began to look at you more then just my grandma, I looked and look at you as one of the strongest, bravest, and most brilliant people that was ever placed in my life.  

Because of this I fully understood what an anomaly you are in this world, and it gave me even more reason to know how lucky I am to have any ounce of spirit in me, given from you. 

From the countless phone conversations we've shared, to the tears you've helped me dry, to the pep talks you've given me, to the reminder of the inherited resiliency traits you've given to me, to the constant reminders to keep believing in myself. I want to say Thank you.

I want to thank you for my love of reading

I want to thank you for teaching me how to cross-stitch

I want to thank you for teaching me how to peel apples (with a peeler and with assistance) and make applesauce from scratch

I want to thank you for showing me that God and faith is irreplaceable

I want to thank you for showing me the value of the simple things, the value of family. 

I want to thank you for teaching me how to stand back up and believe in myself

I want to thank you for inspiring my want to help others and the importance of giving rather then receiving

I want to thank you for teaching me how to play Old Maid

I want to thank you for just being there, every time I needed you, no questions asked. 

Most of all, I want to thank you for showing me that it is okay to stand on your own two feet, and for being not only a constant inspiration in my life, but for being my grandma.

I am nothing but proud to be your grand-daughter, and I wish you the best day Ms. Carol Ross, you deserve the world because you've given the world to me. 

Happy Birthday, Xoxo

Your ONLY grand-daughter

Abby. C. Ashton.