Silence is the Best Gift You Ever Gave to Me

 

Sitting here, starring at my screen, figuring out how to portray what I’ve experienced and felt in the past few months, is hard. Its not hard because I can’t explain in words what I’m feeling, its hard because I’m not even sure if this is when I should share, explain, or try to release.

What’s different, is that the feeling of numbness is still so present, it almost masks the true intention of the reason why I am writing, but, I have always felt that when I write I find clarity. Clarity is something I’ve been struggling to find, so any attempt that allows a vulnerability to show itself, is a method that I will never turn down.

There is no intent of this blog to intensify any sense of ill feelings towards this human, there is no need to establish an understanding to those reading as to what the person meant to me, did to me, or even the brokenness they left me in. That is apparent, and that is brutal enough to process myself, let alone push anymore blame or ill intent into the world.

I think, in life, we are truly given situations that will test everything we have, solely to remember the strength that we are all inherently brought into this world with. I’ve read that we are brought into this world alone, we die alone, and throughout we experience situations that will consistently remind us of that.

To say, this is how one should live their lives, in consistent understanding that we can and will handle life alone, is not how I think were supposed to experience our days. Throughout each experience I’ve had, that has brought me to my knees, I’ve always felt the other side of the dark, the side of consistent light, and that is how I know the difference between both situations.

If we never went through the darkness, we would never appreciate the light, if we never experienced hurt, we would never understand how much we need love. This, although isn’t easy to digest, has what has always allowed me to have hope, faith, and a deeper understanding of what life is meant to be.

Heartbreak in itself, sounds physical, the actual term, is the action of breaking your heart. I don’t think there was any misleading in the creation of this term. It’s a physical pain, one that is considerably worst then a break, tear, ache. It’s a pain that lingers, releases, cramps, and can quite literally move you to a point where it has such control on your physical ability to pursue any type of action. This is excruating, but liberating.

Hear me out.

There have been, and will be, times that bring you to a place where you feel there is no hope, there is no tomorrow, there is no light, there is no love. But these times, what you remember the most, is the day that you picked yourself up, the day that you took the shower, signed onto your job, texted back the friend, the day that you finally turn back music on, the day that you took that walk, genuinely laughed again, and felt somewhat like yourself.

The pain you’re given, reminds you you’re human, the pain instills the strength of forgiveness, of reality, it instills truths that were hidden behind masks, the pain shows you what you never wanted to see, and then, allows you to slowly pick up the pieces, and gain the strength, and become an even stronger sense of light, that will not fade as easily as before.

The numbness will slowly fade, the sinking heart will beat, the tears eventually will dry, time will be  your healer, and silence will be your gift.

 

Tell them you love them

ACA